I Need to Suspend Judgement?

I have finally put a pathology request form in my handbag that was written out by my Endocrinologist for April, 2014. The anticipation is killing me and I am so glad! Finally, I want to know what my HbA1c is, and how a few other “levels” are tracking.

Around November last year my health took an unexpected turn. All of a sudden diabetes had to take a backseat and it was very unfamiliar territory.  Unfortunately the health changes I was experiencing affected my diabetes control so much so that I simply disengaged. The exhaustion I was feeling due to not really knowing what was wrong with me was winning over.

Every time my blood glucose level jumped to a destination that wasn’t on the itinerary, I didn’t even throw my hands in the air anymore.  I just rolled my eyes, plugged a correction into my pump, or a hypo treatment into my mouth and carried on.  I simply didn’t care because I had no idea what the outcome was going to be.  Why hope?  It would inevitably lead to disappointment.  In more recent times I have also been quite overwhelmed with a new batch of specialists, diagnostics, treatment options and potential outcomes.  I have learnt so much about the healthcare system that reaches beyond the bounds of diabetes care.  All of this has echoed well into 2014.

But for some reason, I have reached a point where I feel like knowing how my diabetes is tracking again!  My other health issues aren’t resolved.  A particular set of symptoms are a little more under control, but that’s about it for now.  The cause is yet to be discovered as more symptoms line up at the door.  I have surmised that this renewed desire to find out my diabetes-related levels is because I have made some progress which I didn’t actually think I had to make…

I have suspended judgement on myself.

By choice I have been doing it really tough behind a cheery exterior.  I haven’t wanted these health issues interfere with my beautiful life; I have so much to be grateful for.  So I have finally decided to congratulate myself for prioritising my health needs.  I have chosen to stop feeling guilty about letting my diabetes control slip.  To me guilt is also a choice and I know I have been doing the very best that I can given my current circumstances.

So no matter what my blood work reveals, it will simply be information.  And I won’t let anyone else do anything with that information except read it and file it.

I am showing other people how to treat me by putting the gavel down.

Judges gavel

 

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4 thoughts on “I Need to Suspend Judgement?

  1. Valma says:

    Go for it, Kim. Sometimes it’s hard to roll with the punches and we never know what might be around the next corner, health-wise. I really appreciate your blog entries. Valma

  2. Tony says:

    To those closest to you, YOU are the most important person

    #dblogcheck

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