I Need to Suspend Judgement?

I have finally put a pathology request form in my handbag that was written out by my Endocrinologist for April, 2014. The anticipation is killing me and I am so glad! Finally, I want to know what my HbA1c is, and how a few other “levels” are tracking.

Around November last year my health took an unexpected turn. All of a sudden diabetes had to take a backseat and it was very unfamiliar territory.  Unfortunately the health changes I was experiencing affected my diabetes control so much so that I simply disengaged. The exhaustion I was feeling due to not really knowing what was wrong with me was winning over.

Every time my blood glucose level jumped to a destination that wasn’t on the itinerary, I didn’t even throw my hands in the air anymore.  I just rolled my eyes, plugged a correction into my pump, or a hypo treatment into my mouth and carried on.  I simply didn’t care because I had no idea what the outcome was going to be.  Why hope?  It would inevitably lead to disappointment.  In more recent times I have also been quite overwhelmed with a new batch of specialists, diagnostics, treatment options and potential outcomes.  I have learnt so much about the healthcare system that reaches beyond the bounds of diabetes care.  All of this has echoed well into 2014.

But for some reason, I have reached a point where I feel like knowing how my diabetes is tracking again!  My other health issues aren’t resolved.  A particular set of symptoms are a little more under control, but that’s about it for now.  The cause is yet to be discovered as more symptoms line up at the door.  I have surmised that this renewed desire to find out my diabetes-related levels is because I have made some progress which I didn’t actually think I had to make…

I have suspended judgement on myself.

By choice I have been doing it really tough behind a cheery exterior.  I haven’t wanted these health issues interfere with my beautiful life; I have so much to be grateful for.  So I have finally decided to congratulate myself for prioritising my health needs.  I have chosen to stop feeling guilty about letting my diabetes control slip.  To me guilt is also a choice and I know I have been doing the very best that I can given my current circumstances.

So no matter what my blood work reveals, it will simply be information.  And I won’t let anyone else do anything with that information except read it and file it.

I am showing other people how to treat me by putting the gavel down.

Judges gavel


14 thoughts on “I Need to Suspend Judgement?

  1. Valma says:

    Go for it, Kim. Sometimes it’s hard to roll with the punches and we never know what might be around the next corner, health-wise. I really appreciate your blog entries. Valma

  2. Tony says:

    To those closest to you, YOU are the most important person


  3. RenzaS says:

    Isn’t it interesting – we get all up in arms if we detect even a hint of judgement from others, but sometimes we’re our own worst enemies with the expectations we have of ourselves.

  4. Lonnie says:

    We have only one body to live in for the rest of our lives. It is only just to put your own health on to of your priority so you can enjoy life more and be a blessing to others. Keep up the good work and always cheer up :D

  5. Fred Bear says:

    Oh Kim, I understand how hard it is to manage the multiple health issues, and try and keep everything spinning. So glad you have not let any plates dropped. Know that I at least take a lot of energy from your support and that it is very gratefully accepted. If there is anything I can ever do to help, just let me know.

  6. Hello!
    My name is Ana, I am Brazilian and I’m 24 years.
    I discovered the little time I have diabetes and I decided to write here so you can share my experience and findings with everyone.
    I enjoyed your page.
    good luck! : *

  7. avni says:

    Thanks, I learned so much from you and i appreciate you

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